How to return a computer

I bought a laptop – I guess they’re called notebooks now – in December for my new business. It has never connected to wireless internet so I have barely used it. I haven’t really had time to work on it. However, while I was at my parents’ house last week, I took the time. Now my screen doesn’t come on.

I think I have a lemon.

I have always been a big fan of HP’s customer service, so I didn’t think anything at all about calling and going through the steps to get it fixed. When I had a bad fan in my tower a couple years back I sat on the phone with a nice girl in the midwest for four hours while we ran diagnostics. It is much much faster to diagnose a screen that doesn’t turn on.

“Are there lights on on the keyboard?” Yep. “We’ll send you a box to ship it in.”

The box arrived today. I should have known this wouldn’t be easy.

Step one: Try to keep 14 pounds of grey kitten from forcing his way into the box. Stick hand into box long enough to get out packing foam.

Step two: Sit back and allow brown kitten to annoy grey kitten until he leaves.

Step three: Attempt, and fail, to get to the box before it is reinhabited. Give kitten five minutes to enjoy his handy work before dragging him out of the box and replacing him with computer. Send silent apology to anyone at HP who is allergic to cats.

Step four: Submit closed box for CAT scan.

Step five: Obtain second opinion before shipping.

***

It’s Thunder Thursday! I just realized that! I have a good one from my brother! I don’t have time to put it up tonight! Next week!

Instead, this bit of truth from the interwebs:

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The Passive Aggressive Snuggle of Doom

If you haven’t been distracted by that silly hurricane on the east coast, you are probably aware that it has been super hot across most of the country. Wyoming is no exception. We are already having July temperatures.

We are big fans of fans here in the Thunder household.

Both the ceiling fan, which is conveniently located above the loveseat…and two kittehs. And the fan on my desk, which Obi spent a lot of time in front of yesterday.

The heat has made us a little crabby. On Monday morning, Oliver was doing his normal routine of all things annoying to get me out of bed. Finally, I had had enough.

I grabbed him.

I pulled him in for a snuggle.

I would not let him go.

For the final twenty minutes before my alarm went off I held him against his will. If he backed up, he hit my legs. If he lunged forward he tangled in my arms and got a kiss on the head. I didn’t do anything he wouldn’t normally like if it had been his idea. It was the meanest snuggle ever.

Last night the thought of sleeping upstairs was unbearable. We have moved to the basement. Sooooo much better. Especially in the morning. In order to hear the birds, Kitten Thunder went upstairs before dawn.

It is awful hard to wake The Girl and watch birds at the same time when they are two stories apart. I slept until my alarm woke me up.

Glorious.

Also glorious? It is raining right now. Two kittens and a Girl are leaning into the window, sniffing the wet air and enjoying the cool.

Glorious.

Reunited

Last night, shortly after the lights went out, Oliver and I were having a snuggle when we heard a loud crash. I had been dozing off so I don’t know how loud it actually was.

We both perked our ears to listen.

I heard a tiny mew from Obi. I listened some more. Eventually…another mew. Oliver and I were out of bed and searching for the brown kitten. Okay, I was searching. Oliver was hoping I was going to feed them.

I looked on the top floor. I looked on the main floor. I looked in the basement. No Obi. We went upstairs to check that screens were still on all the windows. Then…another mew.

Obi was found, safe and sound, in The Boy’s shower trying to sweet talk a miller moth. Back to bed with me.

With drama such as this, and the fact that I am cheating on him with three other cats, it is no wonder Oliver has felt unsettled lately. Today he was having a tough time napping. When I was available, he was only able to concentrate on sleeping for ten minutes at a time. And then I did things like kitty sitting and taking a walk that required me to leave the house.

The walk was a bad idea. It was 93 degrees and humid outside. This may be nothing to some of you, but Wyoming has no business being 93 degrees and humid in June. At least, as I type this, we are actually getting some rain. And hail, from the sounds of it.

Anyway, I came into the house after my walk, turned on the ceiling fan and plopped down on the couch. And, at last, Oliver was able to get comfortable for an extended nap.

Home again, home again

Oliver is pleased to announce the return of his Girl. I got home in time to snuggle the kitties briefly before my dentist appointment. Then I had to leave. And while I was out I also went over to my friend Mona’s house to take care of kitties.

I started by jamming a dropper full of antibiotics down Gabe’s throat. He forgave me.

Then I fed Gus her special food. When she was done eating I gave her a pill. This is her telling me I can go now.

While I was trying to get a pill into Gus, her sister Jenny sat on the coffee table. Watching and purring.

When I got home, Oliver was less than impressed with the new smells I’d brought home. He’s covered them up with his own hair and smells and purry goodness.

And Obi, as predicted, is snuggling the aura.

It’s Thunder Thursday! And I just wrote a whole post about the guest cats!

The Girl is Away…

The family vacation continues, mixed with a little work with a client in my home town. The Boy has sent me pictures of Kitten Thunder to show me that they survive my absence.

Obi has been helping with the layout. The first section ran a train while I was gone. No cats were involved.

Someone left a bag on the table in the breakfast nook. Oliver appreciates the gesture.

I’ll be home on Thursday. I anticipate I’ll be writing the blog from the couch under a grey kitten. Perhaps with a brown kitten snuggling within reach of my aura.

Who Will Tell the Grey One?

Happy Father’s Day!

At this very moment I am in a car on my way to Salt Lake City for my family’s annual trip to Lagoon. It is the best amusement park ever! The Boy stayed home. I am going to be gone long enough that he’ll have to empty litter boxes and feed the dragon. I’m sure he’s looking forward to both of these experiences.

Yesterday, Obi was helping me in the basement when I got the suitcase out and shoved clothes in it. He followed me around until I left with furrowed brow.

“I will be okay if you go,” his look said. “But who will tell Oliver?”

The Boy reports that Oliver, so far, is coping well. He slept on The Boy’s feet – it’s a new thing he is trying out. And they didn’t start to starve to death until nearly 6:45 this morning.

Mr. Bear is taking the day off. Evidently The Boy, who never requires as much supervision as The Girl, can be adequately watched by two kittens.

The bear deserves some time off. And maybe a massage later this afternoon.

How to Sew Curtains

Preparation

1. Read email from friend saying she needs help picking out fabric for daughter’s new princess extravaganza room. Gag a little in anticipation of princess pink, but agree to meet her at the fabric store.

2. Realize at the store that you are expected to sew the curtains. Accuse friend of leaving that part out. When she objects, tell her she is smoking pot.

3. Spend time needed to purchase supplies and lunch afterward trying to teach toddler to say, “Mom, you are smoking pot.” Think this is especially funny since, of all your friend who may have smoked the pot, this friend is least likely to have actually done so.

4. Receive sincere thanks for curtain project. Less sincere thanks for teaching children about pot.

5. Return home to find that email does, in fact, clearly ask you to sew curtains.

Set up

1. Lay fabric out on the floor. Remove brown cat.

2. Cut fabric to appropriate length. Remove grey cat.

3. Lay black out fabric on the floor. Take break for breakfast. Remove Mr. Bear.

4. Cut black out fabric to appropriate size. Wrap brown cat in fabric and gitchy gitchy him until he’s over excited and runs from the room.

Sewing

1. Lay two types of fabric together to pin them. Remove brown cat.

2. Change needle on sewing machine. Try to remember when needle broke. Do not succeed in the remembering.

3. Load the bobbin with appropriately colored thread. Look at horrified kittens on the table and realize that neither of them has ever seen a sewing machine.

4. Start sewing two pieces of fabric together. Remove grey cat.

5. Stop and move brown cat to kitty condo after 14 whacks on the nose with the bobby part on the machine.

6. Finish one edge. Decide it’s time to take a break. A long break.

7. Decide to blog about sewing curtains rather than finish the other seven seams.

And…post blog. What was I doing?

For Thunder Thursday, I bring you an LOLcat that actually made me LOL. I was researching costumes for The Boy and I; we’re going to a meme party. I was told that LOLcattiness was expected of me, given this blog. So I’m thinking…ceiling cat and basement cat?

I’m also sharing a picture of a pug loaf. I saw this and giggled like an idiot for at least two minutes. Then I laughed intermittently throughout the evening just from the memory of it.

I’m sorry, I don’t have any way to track the sources of these pictures for attribution. Hat tip to the memeiverse.

Battle of the Boxcar Box

“Hey, Oliver, what are you doing in this box?”

“I want in this box!”

“I feel like I’m being watched. I’m out of here.”

“Ha! The box is mine. Hey, where’d Oli go?”

And on the other side of the room:

Soldier have decided to do recon on the mysterious farm of giant animals.

Thou shall not covet…

The Boy grilled chicken for dinner tonight. As we sat down to eat, on the couches in the living room, The Boy suggested that Oliver might be coveting his meal. This just because Oliver was sitting on the arm of the couch, eying and sniffing.

Oliver was taken aback by the accusation.

To prove The Boy wrong, Oliver’s legs went away. A kitten without legs obviously can not covet.

We finished eating and The Boy, who is coming along nicely with his training, set his plate on the floor. But the grey kitten had no legs. He looked at the plate. He looked at The Boy. Floor. Boy. Floor. Boy.

The Boy had no pity. He would not raise the plate to the lips of my legless grey kitten.

Obi tried the plate but found nothing of interest.

I put my plate on the floor. Obi thought it was very interesting. Evidently, horseradish is more appealing to the feline palette than barbecue sauce.

Oliver’s legs returned and he was able to make it to my plate for his share. His reward for not coveting.

Off His Game

Last night we had one heck of a thunderstorm. Outside. A real one. Cheyenne got more rain in one hour than we’ve gotten for three months. Which is good; we needed it. But the lightning was ridiculous. It was flashing constantly, like a strobe light, and the thunder was just one continuous rumble.

Wyomingites are total junkies for severe weather – we’re the type of people that go outside when there’s a tornado warning because we want to see it. This is why a whole bunch of people posted pictures of cuts and bruises on Facebook during last year’s big hail storm. Kind of like turkeys looking up at the rain.

But even I was a little freaked out by last night. And so was Obi. Oddly, Oliver the stress ball was fine.

When you combine the stress and sleeplessness of last night with the fact that I woke up at 4 a.m. and decided just to get up – feeding the cats before they asked, sitting quietly listening to the birds, watching the sunrise for the first time in a decade – it is understandable if Obi is a little off his game.

This happened this morning:

That’s right. Oliver won Battle Condo. No one was as baffled as him.

***

It’s Thunder Thursday! I’ve been trying to remember to share the latest Simon’s Cat for two weeks. And tadaaaaaaa! Today is the day.

***

Good thoughts to the folks in Wheatland tonight as they recover from having a tornado drop into their laps this afternoon. Hopefully the injuries and the property damage will heal quickly.