Hello, peoples of the internet, Obi here. It’s been over a year since we’ve reached out. Sorry about that – The Girl and I are really busy with the small people. A lot has changed, so let’s dive right in with a new introduction.
Who are you and what do you do?
Um, hi, people…I guess. This is weird. Anyway, I’m Flynn. I’m three years old and I’ve been a Kitten Specialist here since July.
You’re an adult. Where did you spend your formative years?
Well, I was at another house. They had a dog. I don’t like dogs. So I thought about my options and decided to lodge a complaint. I did everything exactly as we’re supposed to, to the letter.
Yeah? What form of protest did you choose?
I pooped on the floor. Blatantly and often.
Classic. What happened?
They picked the dog. I did NOT see that coming.
It’s okay. I like it here. The small people are really fun. I’d like it if The Girl would stop picking me up but at least she’s stopped walking with me. She’s a good scritcher. I like The Boy too.
He’s got enough on his plate. All his spare time belongs to me.
So we should tell the peoples of the internet that we do have some bad news. Jack chewed the silicone straw off of one of Okay’s water bottles this spring. They were able to remove it surgically, but he evidently had a pre-existing condition with his lungs and he took a bad turn. The Girl took him back to the hospital and came back alone.
Is that why The Girl claps her hands at me and says “please don’t be stupid” when she catches me chewing on plastic bags?
Yeah, don’t do that.
I’m only chewing. I don’t eat them. I just like the crunchy feel.
Yeah, don’t do that.
So we were missing Jack and all of a sudden the people weren’t EVER leaving the house and here I was running the entire house by myself. It was getting to me. I needed a break once in a while. And then things got SO MUCH WORSE.
The whole family went out one day and brought back a tiny little monster that LOOKED like a cat but she was actually a tornado of claws and teeth and fury. I tried to be nice to her but I couldn’t even be in her line of sight without her attacking me. And she just got meaner and meaner no matter how hard I tried to be friendly.
The Girl tells me she was actually really sweet and everyone really loved her from the very start. It was just me. So I don’t know. She must have had a hard life before she got here.
After about a week, Calli – that’s what Buddy had named her – was just getting MORE crazy and violent. One day The Girl was carrying me to the bedroom to lock me in so Calli could do her shift as Kitten Specialist. But Calli was already out of her room and when she saw me she attacked. She tried to claw off The Girl’s leg to beat me with it. There was a lot of fur and blood and it’s all kind of a blur but The Girl eventually got Calli into one room and me into another.
I’ve seen The Girl’s scars from that. That was some pretty fine knifework.
Yeah. Well, The Girl realized that it wasn’t safe to keep Calli in the house when Okay or Buddy could open a door and wind up between her and me. The only reason we were even a little safe is because The Girl is tall. She cried a lot about taking Calli back to the rescue. She says she found a good home.
That explains the tension when I got here. I was glad when she stopped coming into our interviews. I mean, I’m trying to get a job and she was just hovering there, emitting…dread. NOT reassuring, lady. I think we hit it off pretty well.
We are. I mean, you’re not my brother, Oliver. I know The Girl wants me to be close to someone like that again but I just can’t. And Jack was a good guy. But he really was dumber than a box of rocks. Sweet, but man was he a lot. He always wanted to wrestle and he’d forget he was twice my size.
And he always took my good napping spots.
There are other napping spots?
You’ve got the shelf in the bedroom, the wall upstairs and The Boy’s chair – do you really need more?
And that’s why I like you. We’ve got a good working relationship, a regular exercise routine, and you’re a quality roommate. I think things are working out fine.
Me too. Can I have more of the cat treats before dinner?
So, that’s our update for now. Hopefully we’ll get into a groove and check in more often. I’m cute. Flynn’s cute. The small people are cute. Stories are bound to ensure.
Obi and Flynn, Me-out!