Kitten Thunder Workout, Revisited

Very shortly after starting this blog, I wrote instructions on how to work out. I realized that it needed updating. After all, the cats…and I…are three years older. Updates will be noted in red.

Step 1: Cardio
Get a glass of water, fiddle with your hair and do all the stuff one must do to put off actually starting cardio. Sit at the recumbent bike. Find a properly distracting movie on Netflix. Sigh. Actually begin cardio. After about five minutes, Obi will arrive in the basement to see what you are doing. Try to maintain smooth pedaling motions AND try not to kick Obi in the head as he attempts to sniff your feet.

Step 2: Squats
After approximately thirty minutes on the bike, or until Obi has stuck his face in your water glass and forced you to run up to the kitchen for a fresh glass, run through your squats routine. This involves four types of squat of varying difficulty, using different muscle groups. The most important move is the pick up the brown kitten weaving between your feet. Use him as extra weight and kiss his ears until he insists on being set down. Repeat this move five more times as every time you set him down, Obi will ask to be picked up again.

Step 3: Sit Ups
Find space on the floor for sit ups and weight training. Make sure you are using good form for your sit ups with your lower back pressed firmly to the floor. Try not to lift with your neck while Oliver, who followed you down from the second trip to the kitchen, lends his 14 pounds to resistance by sitting on your chest. Continue repetitions until Oliver bites you on the nose or lunges from your chest with enough force to pop your sternum. If you feel you can continue after he leaves, try a couple of repetitions of twisting sit ups.

Step 4: Weights
Select a set of dumbbells that are heavy enough to make you wonder whether they will actually break your skull if you drop them on your head. I find ten pound weights work well for this. Start with dumbbell flys – with your palms facing together in front of your face, lower the weights slowly out to your sides. Attempt to keep the weights at even heights even though Obi is now laying under one arm and grabbing at your wrist whenever it comes near. Repeat until he actually catches your arm. Try not to drop the ten pound weight on the ten pound cat as he bunny kicks your hand.

Stop working out to rub Obi’s belly to see if that will get him to behave. Refuse his demand to go up to the belly rubbing quilt. Insist that the carper is FINE for a belly rub. Suggest he go find The Boy.

Move on to presses. If Oliver’s return to your chest still allows movement, you can lift your shoulders off the ground to engage your core muscles. Repeat until chin becomes raw from being licked by Oliver, or until a Thunder originates at your point on the floor. If you can anticipate the Thunder, it is advisable to get off the floor quickly. This movement can be counted toward your cardio.

Step 5: Planks
Braced on your toes and forearms, hold your body rigid with your back and legs flat. Kiss the kitten who crawls between your face and the floor. Start to tremble. Remember to breathe. Kiss the kitten as he crawls back the way he came. Tremble uncontrollably and release your pose to the floor for a ten second break. Feel two cats climb onto your back. Decide this is nicer than planking.

Step 6: You’ve done enough, right?
At this point, you are ready to give up on the workout. Rationalize that you’ve been in the basement for an hour, which is how long you planned to exercise.

Call it good.

***

Cats and videos go together like peas and honey. Or peanut butter and pickles. Or…something. Check out these videos from people who can relate to my exercise routine.

By the way, “skullcrushers” is a little bit too apt a name for that move.

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Plunk

I work out in the basement by the train layout. I was laying on the floor for sit ups when something hit my forehead. I’d been paying attention to the TV so I didn’t know what it was.

Then a AA battery fell from the sky and barely missed me.

Then another.

“Hey!”

What?

It’s an LOL Christmas

After days of sitting in the car and sitting around with the family, eating things that are only eaten at Christmas, I am putting my workout as a priority over this blog tonight. Oliver thinks we should be laying on the couch.

So basically, nobody’s happy.

BUT!!! It is Thunder Thursday so I present you with my favorite Christmas flavored LOLs from this year, courtesy of the Cheezburger purveyor.

 

We have also added the pins to the Pinterest board, if your fancy would be tickled by such things.

Kitten Christmas

Christmas is the holiday that keeps on giving for Kitten Thunder. Since Oliver has decided to sit on my lap in the middle of my workout, let me take the opportunity to share some photos.

The tree came in. Obi liked it just fine next to his chair.

We moved it to the front of the room. Obi wants to know where that cold air return came from.

Last week I was still going outside without a jacket. No more. Winter has arrived and the quilt came out of the bag. The kittehs had no idea it would be better this way.

Way better.

You STILL do not talk about Fight Club

About a year ago I posted the rules to Thunder Fight Club. It must be a summer thing because it seems to be on again. At least we assume that’s what is going on – the kittehs are sticklers for rules 1 and 2.

Oliver’s bald spots both have cuts. One of them had healed and was quickly replaced with another. When I kiss them and ask how he got the cuts he walks away. You do not talk about Fight Club.

I asked Obi if he knew what had happened to his brother’s sweet face. Obi walked away.

You DO NOT talk about Fight Club.

***

My computer is back! More importantly, the box is back. There are now two boxes in the living room. Whichever one Oliver is in? That’s the one Obi wants.

***

Sleeping in the basement continues to be awesome. Yesterday the alarm clock went off and…

Wait for it…

Woke. Oliver. Up.

Awesome.

Reunited

Last night, shortly after the lights went out, Oliver and I were having a snuggle when we heard a loud crash. I had been dozing off so I don’t know how loud it actually was.

We both perked our ears to listen.

I heard a tiny mew from Obi. I listened some more. Eventually…another mew. Oliver and I were out of bed and searching for the brown kitten. Okay, I was searching. Oliver was hoping I was going to feed them.

I looked on the top floor. I looked on the main floor. I looked in the basement. No Obi. We went upstairs to check that screens were still on all the windows. Then…another mew.

Obi was found, safe and sound, in The Boy’s shower trying to sweet talk a miller moth. Back to bed with me.

With drama such as this, and the fact that I am cheating on him with three other cats, it is no wonder Oliver has felt unsettled lately. Today he was having a tough time napping. When I was available, he was only able to concentrate on sleeping for ten minutes at a time. And then I did things like kitty sitting and taking a walk that required me to leave the house.

The walk was a bad idea. It was 93 degrees and humid outside. This may be nothing to some of you, but Wyoming has no business being 93 degrees and humid in June. At least, as I type this, we are actually getting some rain. And hail, from the sounds of it.

Anyway, I came into the house after my walk, turned on the ceiling fan and plopped down on the couch. And, at last, Oliver was able to get comfortable for an extended nap.

Battle! Obi vs. the Wolf Spider

Laying on the floor. Stretch.

The Girl walks in. “Obi, you want to help me get my pajamas on?”

Sure. Stretch. Follow The Girl down the stairs.

The Girl stops and puts finger near wall. “Look, Obi Wan, a big ol’ wolf spider.”

Look at finger. Look at finger. Look at finger as The Girl taps the wall. Hey! There’s a spider on the wall!

Jump at the spider, fall to the floor. Jump at the spider, fall to the floor. Jump at the spider, fall to the floor. Jump at the spider and grab him on the way down to the floor.

He runs away! He turns and comes back! Aaaaaaaah! Jump out of the way.

Smack the spider. Look at paw. See spider on the floor. Smack the spider.

Where’s the spider? Jump back.

Where’s the Spider! Jump to side.

WHERE’S THE SPIDER!?! Jump three times in a circle.

The spider is on the floor, rolled into a ball. Smack the spider.

Declare victory and strut down the hall. Come on, Girl, let’s get those pajamas.

*****

It’s Thunder Thursday! I have some really good options for guest fuzzy this week, but I just have to show you this video. This cat, Sadie, is a hero. She is calm in the face of imminent threat. And her boy is very lucky to have her. Watch her eyes when he coos – that is the look of suppressed panic.

I ran off Rendezvous Mountain…

So this was totally supposed to be what my post was about today.

I was going to be way off topic, but on Wednesday I found out that I was going to get to go parasailing in the Tetons for work. And off topic is one thing. Getting to do something awesome and tell you guys about it – with video from our helmet cam, no less – is way off topic in a sooooooo awesome way.

But…

There were 30 mph winds at the peak and evidently the argument “wind schmind” is not good enough to talk the professionals into taking us anyway. Sheesh.

So instead I watched my friends try out the new mountain bike park (that’s why we were there, after all), took a billion pictures (why I was there, in particular), watched kids learn about mountain climbing, ate a ton of great food, took a tram to Rendezvous Mountain’s top (yep, windy), ate some more great food, hiked to Phelps Lake, and passed out every night from splendid exhaustion.

We also went to cool places and hiked a little more on the way to and from Teton Village, but I’m too tired to tell you about it. So I leave you with this: trust your vacation to Jackson Hole Mountain Resort. Even a couch potato like me can have a fantastic weekend in their hands.

And, to get back on topic, I bring you two sleepy kitties. These are from the archives…I’m ready to plop onto the evil couch and let it easy my tired body.

"I just need to catch about 40 winks to get ready for bed..."

"I need to catch up on my cute-y sleep."

Futility can be fun!

Obi has a new game. Part of this game is making sure he stops playing it by the time I get out the camera, so I hope I can put the cuteness into words.

It starts with a perfectly adjusted window shade in The Boy’s office.

The setting for the new game. Note the more than sufficient window sill.

Obi sets up for the game with the proper amount of butt wriggling and thought. Then he leaps from the floor and grabs the doo-hickey (this is the official name for that piece of plastic at the end of the string; I looked it up, I swear) on the end of the string. Because he doesn’t have thumbs, he promptly falls back to the floor.

Most of the time he makes the effort to land on his feet. Most of the time.

Upon landing, Obi repeats the butt wriggle and jumps again. Over. And over. And over. And over. Clearly he is not actually interested in capturing the doo-hickey because he is completely aware of that window sill. He sits in it all the time to supervise our neighbors through their kitchen window. With Obi’s help Jeff has become an excellent dish washer.

As I said before, the game concludes when I re-enter the room with a powered up camera.  Rotten kid.

The Kitten Thunder Workout

I’ve been pondering a post about Oliver and his weird obsession with doors for three days. I was still pondering when it was time to come write this. Like the true professional I am, I decided to put off writing for a little longer. So I headed downstairs to work out.

Halfway through my work out, The Boy came down to work on model trains. Drat, I thought at first. But, self-consciousness aside, The Boy is much easier to have in the room during a workout than the boys. So I bring you: The Kitten Thunder Workout.

Step 1: Cardio
Get a glass of water, fiddle with your hair and do all the stuff one must do to put off actually starting cardio. Sit at the recumbent bike. Carefully choose a magazine to skim during commercials. Find a properly distracting TV show. Sigh. Actually begin cardio. After about five minutes, Obi will arrive in the basement to see what you are doing. Try to maintain smooth pedaling motions AND try not to kick Obi in the head as he attempts to sniff your feet.

Step 2: Sit Ups
After approximately twenty minutes on the bike, or until Obi has stuck his face in your water glass and forced you to run up to the kitchen for a fresh glass, find space on the floor for sit ups and weight training. Make sure you are using good form for your sit ups with your lower back pressed firmly to the floor. Try not to lift with your neck while Oliver, who followed you down from the second trip to the kitchen, lends his 13.5 pounds to resistance by sitting on your chest. Continue repetitions until Oliver bites you on the nose or lunges from your chest with enough force to pop your sternum. If you feel you can continue after he leaves, try a couple of repetitions of twisting sit ups.

Step 3: Weights
Select a set of dumbbells that are heavy enough to make you wonder whether they will actually break your skull if you drop them on your head. I find ten pound weights work well for this. Start with dumbbell flys – with your palms facing together in front of your face, lower the weights slowly out to your sides. Attempt to keep the weights at even heights even though Obi is now laying under one arm and grabbing at your wrist whenever it comes near. Repeat until he actually catches your arm. Try not to drop the ten pound weight on the ten pound cat as he bunny kicks your hand.

Move on to presses. If Oliver’s return to your chest still allows movement, you can lift your shoulders off the ground to engage your core muscles. Repeat until chin becomes raw from being licked by Oliver, or until a Kitten Thunder originates at your point on the floor. If you can anticipate the Thunder, it is advisable to get off the floor quickly. This movement can be counted toward your cardio.

Step 4: You’ve done enough, right?
At this point, you are ready to give up on the workout. Rationalize that you’ve been in the basement for an hour, which is how long you planned to exercise. Call it good. Maybe wonder if it would be easier to close a door during this workout. Realize that, had I written the blog I’d planned, you would know that Oliver has this weird obsession with doors…