Category Archives: Oh please someone think this is funny

THE BEASTY

Hello, peoples of the world, Obi here.

AND JACK. I’M HERE TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE BEASTY!

Yes, we’re going to tell you about the excitement we had the other night.

IT WAS A BEASTY!

Yes. Anywho.  It was getting close to sunset. The Girl was putting Buddy to bed (Okay was already in her room and asleep). The Boy was waiting in the next room in case she needed backup.

BUT WE NEEDED BACKUP BECAUSE I SAW THE BEASTY!

Yes. Having been relieved of our supervisory duties in the children’s rooms, I assigned Jack to patrol at the open windows and doors. I was going to take the next shift, after a little nap.

AND I SAW THE BEASTY!

Yes. I had just closed my eyes for a couple minutes and I heard Jack call out.

I SAW THE BEASTY!

Yes. I joined Jack at the patio door and called The Boy for reinforcements. Of course Jack and I could have handled it ourselves – except we’re not allowed outside.

AND IT WAS A HORRIBLE BEASTY!

Yes. The Boy came to see what we were yelling about.  He looked outside but he didn’t see.

IT WAS THE BEASTY!

Yes. He assured us there was nothing wrong.

BUT IT WAS THE BEASTY!

Yes. He said he would check it out. The Boy bravely went outside. To show he wasn’t afraid of any man or beast, he wielded the water hose and casually got things wet in several parts of the yard. Jack and I remained at the door, prepared to protect him if needed.

HE CONQUERED THE BEASTY!

Yes. There was no sign of danger by the time he came back indoors. Hey, Jack, what exactly did the beasty look like?

IT WAS COVERED IN FUR WITH A HUGE FLUFFY TAIL. THEY HANG UPSIDE DOWN TO STEAL FOOD IN THE CAFE. THE BEASTLIEST OF BEASTLY BEASTIES! AND IT WAS ALMOST NIGHT!

Ye- wait. It was a squirrel?

A BEASTY!

Hmm. Well, that’s embarrassing. Maybe I should have gotten more detail before we sounded the alarm.

THE BOY BEAT THE BEASTY! HE DIDN’T COME BACK UNTIL THE NEXT MORNING!

Yeah…let’s not tell The Boy about this. Promise not to tell, peoples of the internet?

Until next time,
Obi AND JACK, me-out!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

After setting up the tree this year, I asked my friends on Facebook to place their bets.

The bets were all about how long Squeak would allow the tree to stand. How long the ornaments would stay on. Whether he would climb it. But the only thing Squeak has done is turn the lights on (and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and…).

People forgot all about Kitten Thunder. And that this tree is for Obi.

Oliver was content to watch. And duck the halls, courtesy of a friendly toddler.

Eventually, even the tree was tired and we all took a nap.

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Man Stuff with Style

Oliver and I were on the couch this morning when Obi came up, leading The Boy to the belly rubbing rug. The Boy said “show your girl why you aren’t allowed to help with Man Stuff.”

Obi was not interested in showing me. He wanted his belly rubbed.

But The Boy borrowed my camera so he could document the issue.

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Seems the brown kitten rubbed against a door frame, claiming it in the name of Obi, just seconds after The Boy painted it.

While he looked awesome with frosted tips, I used the brush and a wet paper towel to remove the paint. And Oliver have him a bath.

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We wrapped presents today. Although Kitten Thunder is kind of mad about their boxes being filled with things that are not for them and jammed under their tree, Oliver thinks this is the best bag ever.

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Sew Fun

I’ve been quilting all week. I’m tired of it so Kitten Thunder offered to help.

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The problem is that Oliver had no legs.

And Obi prefers the sewing machine when it’s quiet and nothing is bobbing around.
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I’m practically on my own here.

The Farm Report

It’s been a while since we checked in on the farm and there have been many changes. For one thing, the farmer sold some of his land to the railroad and they built a storage facility.

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After they started building, the farmer got to thinking.

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He’s a little concerned about the facility. Seems they forgot to take into account the location of his homestead, the original family farmhouse, between the storage building and the tracks. How are they planning to get vehicles up to those bay doors?

As always, though, something else presents itself to distract him from these small worries.

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There’s always something bigger.

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Much, much bigger.

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Disco Kitten

Last year during the family Christmas shopping trip, I bought myself a pretty teal shirt covered in clear sequins. It seemed to be a perfect amount of festive and I was really excited about it.

Then I wore it.

Before noon it had rubbed sore spots on my arms. By the end of the work day I couldn’t wait to take it off. I’m pretty sure I did take it off the second the door closed behind me.

This shirt has been in my closet for a year. It has survived several rounds of culling because it is so pretty, even though looking at it made me sad because I was never going to wear it again.

But then! This week I realized that I could protect my arms and cover the more offending sequins if I wear a cardigan over the shirt. And so I did. Plenty of sparkle, no road rash.

And there’s an extra, unanticipated benefit.

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Three solid hours of sparkle reflection entertainment for the brown kitten. By the time the sun stopped coming in my office window and the light show was over, Obi was ready for a nap.

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His brother was happy to oblige.

A Plea From Obi

Dear people of the world,

We’ve had a very disturbing day. The Boy continues his efforts to ruin the laundry room. I even hid up in the ceiling to show him how valuable the space was in case there were ever intruders. But, after he closed up the ceiling with me in it, he seemed more irritated by my hiding than impressed. He took the piece of ceiling out and took me up to The Girl. I was held captive until he finished closing up all my hidey holes.

Rude.

Then The Girl started cleaning. And not normal cleaning. It’s Company is Coming cleaning. But even worse than usual. She went crazy and started throwing out things we need.

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Oliver and I tried to talk some sense into her. Yes, we have not used the giant bag of tissue paper for several months. Yes, someone peed in it. But we got this bag as part of the celebration when we officially adopted The Boy. We got his last name and this awesome bag. Why would you ever throw this out? I mean, have you seen our last name? That was NOT the best part of the deal – it takes The Girl three minutes to scold us by our full names now.

She also downgraded our fortress to two boxes and one piece of packing paper. Then she took the two shopping bags out of my fort and folded the sheet so it only takes up half as much room.

Ultra rude.

She posted the evidence of her wrongdoing, the above picture, on Facebook. Our Aunt Staci tried to make light of our plight by assuring us that they would be doing lots of shopping while they are here next weekend. They will bring us new bags.

This is stupid. Why would we settle for new bags when we could have MORE bags? It’s not like we’re running out of room.

But then it hit me. Aunt Staci actually believes this was a reasonable statement on her part. My poor cousins! While I have never met Cousins Puck and Bo, they deserve better than a family that limits their access to boxes and bags.

It really makes you think. No matter how bad your life is, things can always be worse.

Back to the plea. As soon as The Girl sat down, I jumped into her lap as a delaying tactic.

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I can’t hold out forever. Bring tuna.

It’s All Fun and Games

Last night, The Boy and I came home from beer drinking and plopped down on the couches to snuggle with the kittehs. Oliver was happy to purr with me but Obi was bored.

Obi had been bored all day.

I had an idea.

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I downloaded Cat Alone on my phone. The app has six games on it including ladybugs, flies, a green laser and a finger. Oliver was fascinated.

Obi was interested. For five minutes.

Then Obi was bored.

Oliver was getting pretty good at squishing bugs on the game but then he got too excited and I had to take my it away.

It’s all fun and games until a kitten starts chewing on your phone.

Fuzzy Butt

I had a lot in my plate Friday. After a busy morning, I decided I needed to run home and eat something. And that’s when the productivity ended.

You see, as I was blending my smoothie I looked down and noticed Oliver licking his backside. And I noticed the bright magenta patch of glowing ouchiness at the base of his tail. And the world came to a screeching halt.

If you’ve ever had a male cat you’ve been warned about the dangers of urinary tract infections. How they can become serious very quickly. How they can be deadly if complications arise.

This is why I was on the floor, wrestling with my 14 pound cat so I could look at his butt.

Oddly, he was less than cooperative.

Since it was Friday afternoon, I decided to call Doctor Tiffany and have her check him out just in case. If nothing else he could get a shot for his allergies. And I could avoid a possible emergency visit over the weekend.

And it turned out fine. He got a shot for his allergies which is a probable cause for his itchy bottom (not anything near his boy bits). He got a shot for the infection he’d licked his way into. And he got his annual exam that was coming due anyway – two more shots. All of that he tolerated while sitting in my lap, doing his best imitation of a mean cat.

But, just to make sure there was no hidden issue, Doctor T wanted to probe his anal glands. She told me that even though this was all going to happen in the outside – unlike in dogs – Oliver was not going to be happy.

Indeed, unhappy is what Oli was.

I held him close and ignored the toe nails digging into my side – I guess he felt he needed traction. Oliver yelled out his objections. And Obi came to lick his brother’s face in comfort.

Then it was done.

Doctor Tiffany got out treats to reward Obi for being such a good brother. She tossed one to Oliver where he was bathing himself angrily. He ate it.

“That’s the closest you’ll ever get to him on his free will,” I said.

“Challenge accepted,” she said.

It took five treats to lure the grey kitten back into the living room and close enough that she could pet him while he ate. Glad I didn’t lose any money on that bet.

After Tiffany left, I got some work done and Kitten Thunder took a nap. By Saturday morning there was no sign of any infection, except that I can’t really call Oli Fuzzy Butt – one of his nicknames – until the five inch bald spot he created starts to grow back in.

We watched Reign and didn’t talk about how long MY wounds (five or six long scratches in my side) will take to heal.

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Oliver loves Reign.

Ladies and Gentlemen…

The Beatles!

I’m a big Beatles fan. So when I saw an infographic on Pinterest the other day that said cat people are more likely to think George Harrison was the best Beatle and dog people prefer Paul McCartney? Well, it got me humming.

Then I asked my friends on Facebook what their top five songs are. I got a great variety. And I got some that I forgot were my favorite.

Here’s my top five, in no particular order, in case you’re wondering:

I Will
In My Life
Yesterday
Help
You Can Drive My Car
Blackbird
We Can Work It Out
Here Comes the Sun
Something
Paperback Writer
Hello Goodbye

What? My top five can have as many songs as I want.

As people were giving me their songs, I was treating my ears to music ala YouTube. And then I stumbled upon the tribute concert that was recorded a year after George Harrison’s death. Of course I decided to listen.

Almost immediately, a brown kitten appeared in my lap. He sat there, looking at the computer and listening intently. When they started playing Harrison’s songs Obi started to purr. And he stayed there in my lap for the entire concert.

Cats seem to prefer George Harrison too.