Does a bear pee in the woods?

In our house, The Boy and I often find ourselves asking questions for which the answer could be considered obvious. We generally follow up said questions with either “why yes, the Pope is Catholic,” or “why yes, bears do pee in the woods.”

Here are some of those obvious questions:

“Oliver, would you like some breakfast?”

“Obi, do you want a belly rub?”

“Obers, is it time for a brushing?”

“Should we open a window?”

“Should we add some tuna to this?”

“Obi, do you want some cheese?”

“Oli, should we take a nap?”

“Oliver Pi, are you the most handsome grey kitten in all the world?”

See, obvious questions with obvious answers.

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Today, the full staff of KnowSocial, LLC returned to work. Oliver was laying in the condo. The Girl was at the desk, social media-ing away. Obi was stretched out across the desk with his butt on the mousepad. Ah, the good life.

Obi stretched, at some point this afternoon, and exposed his belly. I didn’t think anything about it before I reached over and gitchy gitchied his stomach. Evidently he did not think this was appropriate. Lucky for me he didn’t quite connect the gitchy to the gitchier.

First he slapped Oliver in the face. “Stop gitchying me!”

The gitchy didn’t stop.

Second, he rolled to the other side and attacked my book, Star Wars: Children of the Jedi, which was next to him. “Stop gitchying me!”

The gitchy didn’t stop.

He rolled to the other side and slapped Oliver again. “Stop gitchying me!”

The gitchy didn’t stop.

Finally he noticed that my had was the source of the gitchy. He bit me. Then he kissed me. Then he bit me. Then he kissed me. Then he decided…

The gitchy wasn’t so bad after all.

Nap on.

***

So. The Boy and I have decided that Oliver is uber annoying. Now that we’ve moved to the basement to avoid the heat, Mr. Bear moves between the first floor and the bottom floor several times a day. With each move there comes narration from the grey kitten. “MR. BEAR IS ON THE FIRST STEP. WE’VE MOVED TWO STEPS. HE IS ON THE LAST STEP. MR. BEAR IS IN THE BASEMENT. HE’S COMING DOWN THE HALLWAY. HE WANTS TO KNOW HOW TO GET ONTO THE LAYOUT. NEVERMIND, HE’LL GO INTO THE WORKSHOP. HE’S IN FRONT OF YOU. HE NEEDS TO BE KNEADED.”

Drastic steps need to be taken. Tomorrow, when we will both be home to monitor Oliver’s sanity, Mr. Bear is going to hide in a closet. Hopefully Oli won’t notice. If he doesn’t lose his mind looking for his lost friend, Oli’s Mr. Bear may be moving away permanently.

The whole house, including Obi, would be grateful.

Who Will Tell the Grey One?

Happy Father’s Day!

At this very moment I am in a car on my way to Salt Lake City for my family’s annual trip to Lagoon. It is the best amusement park ever! The Boy stayed home. I am going to be gone long enough that he’ll have to empty litter boxes and feed the dragon. I’m sure he’s looking forward to both of these experiences.

Yesterday, Obi was helping me in the basement when I got the suitcase out and shoved clothes in it. He followed me around until I left with furrowed brow.

“I will be okay if you go,” his look said. “But who will tell Oliver?”

The Boy reports that Oliver, so far, is coping well. He slept on The Boy’s feet – it’s a new thing he is trying out. And they didn’t start to starve to death until nearly 6:45 this morning.

Mr. Bear is taking the day off. Evidently The Boy, who never requires as much supervision as The Girl, can be adequately watched by two kittens.

The bear deserves some time off. And maybe a massage later this afternoon.

Clash of the Titan Animals

The other day I was waiting for The Boy to finish ironing. I was standing by the model train layout. I was also standing by the box of toy farm my grandparents sent home with me this Christmas. It is the farm set I played with as a kid EVERY time I went to their house.

When The Boy came into the room I asked him a very important question: “did the people that mapped out this rail route take the giant rabid bunny population into account?”

The Boy said that no, they had not. Shortly after he left for work a jaguar started stalking the giant rabid bunny from behind the farmhouse. I went to take a shower.

Dressed and ready for work, I walked through the layout room and discovered the rabbit and tiny plastic jaguar were gone. The rail people may regret hiring a really giant brown kitten to take care of their only slightly giant rabbit population.

***

Mr. Bear is feeling kind of flat and beaten down by life.

***

I found I was all alone this afternoon. I found Kitten Thunder on the cat shelf upstairs, enjoying smell-o-vision and a nap.

This two square feet sums up why we picked this house. Though I think I need a Girl shelf.

***

Did you watch Longmire on A&E tonight? What did you think? If you didn’t, you should give it a try. Or, better yet, read Craig Johnson’s amazing books!