Once again, I write to you – or dictate to The Girl who is typing this because “I can’t spell” – to report the most grievous behavior from my people. My Girl and The Boy left Obi and I alone, without food or water, for A YEAR.
At first, things were okay. After packing up the car with our boxes and most of our wrapping paper, The Girl gave us a bonus breakfast. But, while we were eating, they LEFT. For WEEKS.
The Lori came to feed us at first. She’s pretty good at the scritching and feeding so we thought we would be okay. And if she shows up we know that The Girl will probably come back soon. But she didn’t come back. And then, after weeks of helping us scrape by, The Lori also stopped coming.
We were doomed.
The straights, they were dire.
The kitty crunchies, despite our rationing, were creeping down below the level of the top of the bowl. The water bowl was only half full. Days stretched into weeks. Weeks stretched into months. Obi and I would soon perish, we were certain.
Plus, somehow, the litter box got fuller and fuller.
Finally, today, The Boy and The Girl returned. The Girl insisted on picking me up and kissing my ears before she fed us. Luckily, she carried me to the plates so I wouldn’t have to walk on my own in my weakened state. Obi was carried in by The Boy who had foolishly tried to rub his empty belly.
Who needs an empty belly rubbed?
I’d forgiven The Girl, a little bit (she’ll need to be punished later, after I’ve had some snuggles). Then I see THIS.
This isn’t me!!! The Girl has some picture of a guy named Nama on her phone! And then…THIS!
The Boy let some other cat RIDE him. WHO THE PFFT IS MADDY!?! So not okay.
I’m so mad, I’m off to lick my tail vigorously on the other side of the room. Maybe the next time, The Girl will think twice before she wanders off for a year to cheat on us with other cats.
Please, if you see The Girl out and about – should we ever allow her out or about again – glare at her pointedly and tell her that this type of behavior is unacceptable.
Chief Executive Kitten
***Note from The Girl: We were gone for five days and Lori, bestest kitteh sitter in the world, came to see them every day except yesterday (Christmas) and today, because we came back today. And I like them to be hungry when we get home so we can bribe them with breakfast.