J’accuse!

Alas, Kitten Thunder’s lives are ruined.

The fortress has been culled. Only two boxes, two pieces of packing paper and a packing tie remain.

Oliver and Obi think I’m a jerk.

To add to the madness, I took the mat from under their litter box and hosed it off. It’s drying in the driveway. And their litter box is in the middle of the floor. TWO FEET from where it belongs. Where’s a kitten supposed to go?

Obi and Oliver think I’m a jerk.

Also, I mopped where their litter box belongs and cleaned the walls. They’ve been carefully building the aromas in that corner. All that work, gone. Do I know how hard it is to get poop two feet above the litter box? Seriously.

Oliver and Obi think I’m a jerk.

Oliver has drifted off to sleep in a sunbeam they forgot was behind the fortress. Hmm, not so bad.

Obi just came bad from the powder room and didn’t have to pick litter out from between his toes. Hmm, not so bad.

Well, maybe I’m okay. But Obi is going to rest behind me on the couch and let Tail slap me around a little.

Tail is kind of a jerk.

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A Plea From Obi

Dear people of the world,

We’ve had a very disturbing day. The Boy continues his efforts to ruin the laundry room. I even hid up in the ceiling to show him how valuable the space was in case there were ever intruders. But, after he closed up the ceiling with me in it, he seemed more irritated by my hiding than impressed. He took the piece of ceiling out and took me up to The Girl. I was held captive until he finished closing up all my hidey holes.

Rude.

Then The Girl started cleaning. And not normal cleaning. It’s Company is Coming cleaning. But even worse than usual. She went crazy and started throwing out things we need.

Oliver and I tried to talk some sense into her. Yes, we have not used the giant bag of tissue paper for several months. Yes, someone peed in it. But we got this bag as part of the celebration when we officially adopted The Boy. We got his last name and this awesome bag. Why would you ever throw this out? I mean, have you seen our last name? That was NOT the best part of the deal – it takes The Girl three minutes to scold us by our full names now.

She also downgraded our fortress to two boxes and one piece of packing paper. Then she took the two shopping bags out of my fort and folded the sheet so it only takes up half as much room.

Ultra rude.

She posted the evidence of her wrongdoing, the above picture, on Facebook. Our Aunt Staci tried to make light of our plight by assuring us that they would be doing lots of shopping while they are here next weekend. They will bring us new bags.

This is stupid. Why would we settle for new bags when we could have MORE bags? It’s not like we’re running out of room.

But then it hit me. Aunt Staci actually believes this was a reasonable statement on her part. My poor cousins! While I have never met Cousins Puck and Bo, they deserve better than a family that limits their access to boxes and bags.

It really makes you think. No matter how bad your life is, things can always be worse.

Back to the plea. As soon as The Girl sat down, I jumped into her lap as a delaying tactic.

I can’t hold out forever. Bring tuna.

Awaiting the Life-Giving Bolt of Lightning

I am usually in the reading nook during the day. Because of that, I usually don’t turn on a light. But today I needed to iron in the evening, thus a light was turned on. And that? Illuminated this.

Kitten Thunder has clearly been growing this minion in the corner of the reading nook for months if not years. Concealed from natural light, it has grown unchecked. It is now the size of a large kitten and is one life-giving lightning bolt away from joining the effort to get me out of bed before the breakfast bell goes off.

The people are going to have to do something about this before thunderstorm season.

And by the people, I mean The Boy. Floors are his job.

***

It is Thunder Thursday!

Today, we introduce you to Seffie. The new sister of Thunder over on Unlikely Explanations. This picture was taken in a rare moment of stillness.

Oh, the catmanity!

Seriously,  someone should call the ASPCA, because we are really cruel to Oli and Obi. This day has been unbelievably hard for the kittehs. They are so glad this day is over.

First, the day started with me finding I have an amazing skill: I can stand up and run across a room before gaining consciousness if one of my kittens is in trouble. Obi was climbing the shelves over The Boy’s dresser and they collapsed. The bang and the cry had me to the pile of books and wood in seconds. Obi was nowhere to be found. A couple minutes later he came back and hid under the bed.

Oliver insisted that Obi would be fine if he had some breakfast. Happily, Obi poked his head out and agreed. The only scars are emotional.

But the trauma continued.

The grandpeople are coming for a visit next weekend. Normally this just means some cleaning and horrible things like Oliver getting wet feet on his way to the kitty crunchies after The Boy mops. This happened today. It also means I have to get my laundry off the spare room bed and hung in the closet.

But today we took things to a new level. A monstrous level. A mean, nasty, senselessly cruel level. We have removed all the cardboard boxes from our house.

I broke down the cave within the cave. I threw away the big box from Christmas. We disposed of the giant flat box that has served as a lean-to in the hall.  The Boy threw away two boxes from the basement.

Plus, no afternoon nap.

And then we had steak. And didn’t share. And we didn’t put shredded cheese on it like Obi begged us to.

And then we turned off smell-o-vision just because it was “cooling off.”

Then I played a video game while Oli was laying on my lap instead of giving him my full and undivided attention.  And NOW, right now, I am ignoring him again as I type.

Seriously, folks, these kittehs are abused. Won’t you help?

***

Happy Mother’s Day to the grandperson’s! In spite of the fact that you’ve raised two cruel people who barely love their cats enough for them to survive, Kitten Thunder still loves you. And let’s not forget More Grandperson and the great grandperson! A kiss and a headbutt hug to you all.

Oliver passes the man test

As most cat owners know, there is nothing more irresistible to a cat than a freshly cleaned litter box. With my fastidious grey kitten he sometimes jumps into a clean box with an urgency that suggests he’s been “holding it” for a while.

Such was the case at noon today while I was cleaning the office boxes. He didn’t even let me put the cover back on. Unfortunately, Oliver was not quite sure how to use an open air box. He looked. He turned. He turned. He turned.

Finally he put his front paws on the edge of the box. He spread his legs wide. And he went.

Oliver peed standing up.

After I scooped his new offering he got back in the box. Clearly, he had other business.

I shoved his tail into the box with him and put the lid on over him. Some things no one should have to watch.

***

Obi is very lovey tonight. It could just be because he’s in the mood to snuggle. I think it has something to do with my fingernails being the perfect length and sharpness right now.

***

It’s Thunder Thursday! Today we have Gibby. Gibby is my friend Adam’s cat. Kind of. Technically Gibby is Adam’s sister’s cat but he’s had him for so long that there would possibly be a custody battle…

Cats are gross.

I warned you.

I got home tonight and took a deep breath. Ooh, did I miss a litter box cleaning? Why yes, yes I did forget to clean the litter box on Tuesday while I was sick and having to sit at my desk fighting Adobe over software. Stinky. And someone left me a gift outside the box to indicate their displeasure about my tardiness.

So I cleaned it.

Oliver came up to great me with goopy allergy eyes. He feels better but his eyes still get runny.

So I cleaned them.

I plunked down on the couch just in time to look into the dining room and see Obi vomiting. And walking. And vomiting. And walking. And vomiting. Then, to mix things up, he walked backward while vomiting.

So I cleaned it up.

Oliver, my poor put-down upon grey kitten, also has chin acne. He thinks it feels wonderful to have me scratch it with my fingernails. But then I have kitten zits under my fingernails.

So I cleaned them.

Finally, I sat down on the couch again. A grey kitten snuggled into my lap and looked up at me with the ultimate purr face. A brown kitten started kneading the couch behind my head. Then he bent low enough to give me a kitty-kiss on the temple before settling in for a nap. One brown paw rested gently on my shoulder.

Cats are awesome. And so worth it.

***

It’s Thunder Thursday! Today we bring you a kitten from across the pond. Kitalpha belongs to Holly of The Aluminium Foiled My Plans. Don’t worry about the mouse in the video. He wins.

Cleaning with Kitten Thunder

We have a second round of State hockey this weekend and this time Kitten Thunder’s grandpeople are coming to stay at the house. House guests means finding the spare beds. And this is why it takes me a week to get the house ready for company:

First, Obi was all sorts of excited to find out there was a bed in my office under all the stuff that used to be on the walls at the old house. Sure, it’s all under the bed – where he used to hang out – but this has potential.

"You've got to be a manly cat to look this good in pastels."

Oliver, never one to just sit back and let Obi get all the attention, realized very suddenly that there was a catnip ball under my desk and that he WANTED it. He pulled all the wires under my the desk out to get to the ball. Then Obi, too, realized he wanted the ball.

"I want the catnip ball THIS much."

Oliver won.

"No one comes between me and the nip."

And then my lunch hour was over and I hadn’t accomplished anything. The dishes weren’t done. The laundry wasn’t folded. This blog wasn’t up.

But we sure had a lot of fun.

FUO update! Oliver’s fever is gone! He has been off both antibiotics and steroids for two weeks and the limp has not returned. The fever has left as quickly and as mysteriously as it came in.