An Angry Letter to Albertsons

"Make sure I look mad. Can you Photoshop me angrier?"

Dear Albertsons Grocery Store,

In the words of The Girl: What. The. Heck?

Last week, The Girl opened a new jug of milk. I heard the glorious crack of a milk ring and ran to the kitchen to receive my new toy. The only thing I like from the kitchen more than my weekly milk ring is tuna. But did I get tuna that day? No. Did I get a milk ring? No.

Why? Because the milk ring on that jug was a solid ring and The Girl, in spite of her best efforts, could not get it off the jug. She apologized. We assumed it was because we had milk with the red cap because you were out of the milk with the blue cap. We ASSUMED life would resume its normal, wonderful course this week.

But no.

This week The Girl came back from the store with blue capped milk. All was going according to plan. I heard the crackle of the new milk being opened and ran to the kitchen. The Girl was pouting at the milk. No ring for me. Again.

I repeat: What. The. Heck?

Seriously, Albertsons, I have been a customer of yours for eight years. I haven’t held things against you in the past – like when you changed the labels on Friskies to trick The Girl into bringing home pate-style food. Gross. Or when you let The Girl buy tuna in oil without pointing out her error – she won’t let me drink tuna oil because she “doesn’t want to lubricate my insides.” Whatever that means.

But this, Albertsons, will not stand. Bring back my peel-style milk rings. Or else.

Oh, and if you’re thinking along the same lines of The Boy – a.k.a. Mr. “Oh no, he only has a 20 year supply of milk rings in the house” – well, you just ask him in the morning what that kind of attitude will get you. That’s right. I have plans for HIM.

Sincerely,
Oliver

Advertisement