Tag Archives: humor

Meet Flynn

Hello, peoples of the internet, Obi here. It’s been over a year since we’ve reached out. Sorry about that – The Girl and I are really busy with the small people. A lot has changed, so let’s dive right in with a new introduction.

Who are you and what do you do?

Um, hi, people…I guess. This is weird. Anyway, I’m Flynn. I’m three years old and I’ve been a Kitten Specialist here since July.

You’re an adult. Where did you spend your formative years?

Well, I was at another house. They had a dog. I don’t like dogs. So I thought about my options and decided to lodge a complaint. I did everything exactly as we’re supposed to, to the letter.

Yeah? What form of protest did you choose?

I pooped on the floor. Blatantly and often.

Classic. What happened?

They picked the dog. I did NOT see that coming.

Rough.

It’s okay. I like it here. The small people are really fun. I’d like it if The Girl would stop picking me up but at least she’s stopped walking with me. She’s a good scritcher. I like The Boy too.

He’s got enough on his plate. All his spare time belongs to me.

Got it.

So we should tell the peoples of the internet that we do have some bad news. Jack chewed the silicone straw off of one of Okay’s water bottles this spring. They were able to remove it surgically, but he evidently had a pre-existing condition with his lungs and he took a bad turn. The Girl took him back to the hospital and came back alone.

Is that why The Girl claps her hands at me and says “please don’t be stupid” when she catches me chewing on plastic bags?

Yeah, don’t do that.

I’m only chewing. I don’t eat them. I just like the crunchy feel.

Yeah, don’t do that.

So we were missing Jack and all of a sudden the people weren’t EVER leaving the house and here I was running the entire house by myself. It was getting to me. I needed a break once in a while. And then things got SO MUCH WORSE.

The whole family went out one day and brought back a tiny little monster that LOOKED like a cat but she was actually a tornado of claws and teeth and fury. I tried to be nice to her but I couldn’t even be in her line of sight without her attacking me. And she just got meaner and meaner no matter how hard I tried to be friendly.

The Girl tells me she was actually really sweet and everyone really loved her from the very start. It was just me. So I don’t know. She must have had a hard life before she got here.

After about a week, Calli – that’s what Buddy had named her – was just getting MORE crazy and violent. One day The Girl was carrying me to the bedroom to lock me in so Calli could do her shift as Kitten Specialist. But Calli was already out of her room and when she saw me she attacked. She tried to claw off The Girl’s leg to beat me with it. There was a lot of fur and blood and it’s all kind of a blur but The Girl eventually got Calli into one room and me into another.

I’ve seen The Girl’s scars from that. That was some pretty fine knifework.

Yeah. Well, The Girl realized that it wasn’t safe to keep Calli in the house when Okay or Buddy could open a door and wind up between her and me. The only reason we were even a little safe is because The Girl is tall. She cried a lot about taking Calli back to the rescue. She says she found a good home.

That explains the tension when I got here. I was glad when she stopped coming into our interviews. I mean, I’m trying to get a job and she was just hovering there, emitting…dread. NOT reassuring, lady. I think we hit it off pretty well.

We are. I mean, you’re not my brother, Oliver. I know The Girl wants me to be close to someone like that again but I just can’t. And Jack was a good guy. But he really was dumber than a box of rocks. Sweet, but man was he a lot. He always wanted to wrestle and he’d forget he was twice my size.

And he always took my good napping spots.

There are other napping spots?

You’ve got the shelf in the bedroom, the wall upstairs and The Boy’s chair – do you really need more?

Nope.

And that’s why I like you. We’ve got a good working relationship, a regular exercise routine, and you’re a quality roommate. I think things are working out fine.

Me too. Can I have more of the cat treats before dinner?

No.

So, that’s our update for now. Hopefully we’ll get into a groove and check in more often. I’m cute. Flynn’s cute. The small people are cute. Stories are bound to ensure.

Obi and Flynn, Me-out!

THE BEASTY

Hello, peoples of the world, Obi here.

AND JACK. I’M HERE TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE BEASTY!

Yes, we’re going to tell you about the excitement we had the other night.

IT WAS A BEASTY!

Yes. Anywho.  It was getting close to sunset. The Girl was putting Buddy to bed (Okay was already in her room and asleep). The Boy was waiting in the next room in case she needed backup.

BUT WE NEEDED BACKUP BECAUSE I SAW THE BEASTY!

Yes. Having been relieved of our supervisory duties in the children’s rooms, I assigned Jack to patrol at the open windows and doors. I was going to take the next shift, after a little nap.

AND I SAW THE BEASTY!

Yes. I had just closed my eyes for a couple minutes and I heard Jack call out.

I SAW THE BEASTY!

Yes. I joined Jack at the patio door and called The Boy for reinforcements. Of course Jack and I could have handled it ourselves – except we’re not allowed outside.

AND IT WAS A HORRIBLE BEASTY!

Yes. The Boy came to see what we were yelling about.  He looked outside but he didn’t see.

IT WAS THE BEASTY!

Yes. He assured us there was nothing wrong.

BUT IT WAS THE BEASTY!

Yes. He said he would check it out. The Boy bravely went outside. To show he wasn’t afraid of any man or beast, he wielded the water hose and casually got things wet in several parts of the yard. Jack and I remained at the door, prepared to protect him if needed.

HE CONQUERED THE BEASTY!

Yes. There was no sign of danger by the time he came back indoors. Hey, Jack, what exactly did the beasty look like?

IT WAS COVERED IN FUR WITH A HUGE FLUFFY TAIL. THEY HANG UPSIDE DOWN TO STEAL FOOD IN THE CAFE. THE BEASTLIEST OF BEASTLY BEASTIES! AND IT WAS ALMOST NIGHT!

Ye- wait. It was a squirrel?

A BEASTY!

Hmm. Well, that’s embarrassing. Maybe I should have gotten more detail before we sounded the alarm.

THE BOY BEAT THE BEASTY! HE DIDN’T COME BACK UNTIL THE NEXT MORNING!

Yeah…let’s not tell The Boy about this. Promise not to tell, peoples of the internet?

Until next time,
Obi AND JACK, me-out!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

After setting up the tree this year, I asked my friends on Facebook to place their bets.

The bets were all about how long Squeak would allow the tree to stand. How long the ornaments would stay on. Whether he would climb it. But the only thing Squeak has done is turn the lights on (and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and…).

People forgot all about Kitten Thunder. And that this tree is for Obi.

Oliver was content to watch. And duck the halls, courtesy of a friendly toddler.

Eventually, even the tree was tired and we all took a nap.

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Mirror Mirror

Mirror mirror in baby’s hands,

Upon the wall throws lighted bands.

The cat will chase them to and fro,

Though you’ve no idea where they will go.

Super Vising

Hello peoples of the internets! Obi here.

Sometimes I feel like The Boy sold me a bill of goods with Squeak. He still doesn’t Thunder with me like they said he would.

He doesn’t even know how to play with the cool toys The Girl bought for us.

But he looks to me for advice. And he is getting better.

And he’s good for snuggling… He doesn’t think he needs to hug or kiss me like The Girl does.

And at  I don’t have to do his laundry because Oliver volunteered. And The Boy finished it when my brother was done.

Test Drive

The Boy and I continue to do interesting things to entertain Kitten Thunder.

Yesterday, I was sewing. With equal parts help and supervision, of course.

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Then The Boy showed up in the living room and started messing with Obi’s tall box. This box has been in the living room for a couple weeks. Obi didn’t know it opened!

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For a minute, Obi wasn’t sure he liked what was happening.

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He thought maybe we should go back to sewing.

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But his sense of duty won out and he returned to Boy supervision.

We were quickly done with putting the pieces of the box together. It was followed by a lot of “where is the button that does this” and “how does that go in” from both people.

Obi, however, figured it out right away.

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And today, Oliver discovered it’s a double decker.

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Just don’t try to take either of them for a stroll.

Fabric Inspection

After dinner, there were no kittens holding me down. This led to and unexpected burst of productivity.

The Boy and I went into the baby’s room so that, as pregnant women are supposed to do, I could have him move furniture from one perfectly good location to a new location across the room.

And of course Kitten Thunder showed up to help.

There are no pictures of the ridiculous amount of under footedness that was happening because I was shouting orders for kittens to get out of the way.

After the furniture was in the right place, for now, the room looked startlingly like a person could live there in two months.

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Kitten Thunder found letters on their bed to inspect.

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And fabric.

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They approve.

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Test Drive

We might not know anything about tiny baby humans, but in this house we are well versed in large cats.

And they owe us.

So when my baby sling came in the mail, The Boy and I decided Oliver would help us try it out.

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This is how he likes me to hold him, at arm’s length, so he actually really enjoyed it. Especially since I’d normally put him down when I needed to scratch my nose but I didn’t have to.

I may have gotten a size too small to hold a baby, but for a kitten… It’s purrfect.

On the Hook

What happens when The Girl spends time in the laundry room, hanging hooks on which to dry cloth diapers?

She gets help, of course.

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Something Fishy

Those of you who have been with us a while, know that Oliver has allergies. This fall we discovered his liver is failing (hopefully very slowly) so we’re trying not to give him Prednisone anymore.

Benadryl, the alternative, is just icky. The betrayal, the hurt, wasn’t a long term option.

Dr. Tiffany from Cottonwood had one last suggestion: fish oil. It’s an anti inflammatory. And worth a shot.

The day it arrived, I pumped out a bit for both cats. And… It was delicious! They loved it! Hoorah!

But, because this made me happy, it couldn’t last. Oliver was not in love with breakfast fish oil.

Neither of them really wanted it that night until I tossed some treats in it.

The next morning, Oliver ate around the fish oil and left all the food that was touching it. He went and talked Obi into saving his HIS breakfast, from under the office door.

That night no one would eat the fish oil, even with treats.

Seriously.

So now what? Well, in the morning, Oliver will eventually lick the plate clean. Once all other food options are exhausted. So no worries there. Plus, we’ve decided to stop separating the cats for breakfast – Obi is more worried about missing something while he’s locked away than eating.

In the evening, we have baby food! I received several tips for medicating a cat on this blog and decided to combine two – I got some chicken baby food to surround the benadryl and froze it into pellets.

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I mixed the rest with fish oil and used that to get the medicine down.

Did the pills work, you ask? I don’t know. Because the fish oil IS working. Like a miracle. All the sores on his sweet grey face after healed up.

No betrayal. No hurt.

Just a Boy shaking his head and muttering something about spoiled cats as I sit on the floor and spoon feed my cats.

Seriously.