Blindsided

So I just realized something…

I built this cool “alter” to my bearded dragon in June…over the three bearded irises that I planted with Zensai when I buried him. I wonder if they’ll still grow if I move the pots. This irritates me because irises are my favorite flower and I have never been able to grow them. Ever. Now I’m just standing in my own way.

Zensai would be amused.

***

Since we’re doing updates from other posts, the missing fortune kitty is not missing any longer. When I was sweeping the other day I really dug under a shelf and pulled out a kitten-sized minion. The fortune kitty was in the middle. Apparently Obi thought his minions needed a little bit of luck to get that life-giving lightning bolt.

 

***

In other news, I found out – after knowing him for 11 years – that The Boy doesn’t like avocados. That means I have four to eat myself this week. Oh, the hardship. Since I couldn’t find the recipe I saw on Pinterest that inspired the purchase of avocados, I decided to make tuna salad tonight. The Boy was leaving so I had to boil my own eggs.

 

Obi walked through the kitchen once and saw me at the big white box. He put his head down and moved on.

***

And now, today’s actual story:

Oliver wanted to get up this morning. More importantly, he wanted me to get up. And Obi agreed. They were doing a full scale push of annoying things – bouncing the bathroom door, crying from the toothbrush stand, playing with the blinds, poking me in the nose. At one point I heard my glasses slide of my side table.

Here is where I tell you that I really can’t see without my glasses or contacts. And my glasses are just pink stems and the lenses with no frame. I depend on my fantastic memory to find my glasses in the morning.

So this morning I had to crawl around on my knees to find my missing eyesight. It went a little like this:

Me: Obi, where did you put my glasses?

Oli: FEED ME!

Me: I have to find my glasses.

Oli: FEED ME! I’M DYING!

Me: Oh, come on, where could they have gone?

Oli: FEED ME! SOOOOOOOO HUNGRY!

Me: [Censored because I have a personal policy about cussing online]

The Boy: Are they under the bed?

Me: How should I know? I CAN’T SEE.

The Boy: Right.

Oli: FEED ME!

Obi: I thought we were having breakfast.

Oli: FEEEEED ME!

I did finally find my glasses, an arm length (way further than I can see) under the bed, in a shadow, behind a shoe.

Seriously.

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Dragon shaped hole

The Thunder household lost a family member yesterday. Zensai, my bearded dragon, died at almost 12 years old. Oliver and Obi knew first and started acting really weird. I feel bad because I attributed their behavior to The Boy going away for a model railroad show this weekend. I scolded them for the senseless yowling in the corner of the living room. Now I know what they were saying.

I buried my bearded dragon under some bearded irises in our yard. Not only is it a fun play on words, but they happen to be my favorite flowers and they can be planted in October. Hopefully they’ll come up with super beard power next spring.

It is weird, today, to be in the living room without the gigantic lizard tank. Both cats are super snuggly – like Obi actually slept in my lap for a couple hours. There is a whole bunch of empty wall and floor back there that needs to be filled. Plus I had to turn on a light because the box of light is gone.

So…there’s no way to turn this into a funny post. We’ll come back on Tuesday will something cute or funny.

Thanks, Zensai. We had a good run.

The Ambush

"I've had a long day. Do we HAVE to blog tonight?"

Obi set up the perfect ambush for his brother today. It went a little like this:

Pick the victim: Oliver.

Pick the bait: The Girl is going into the downstairs bedroom to change into pants. Oliver is sure to follow.

Pick the location: The wall juts out here in the hallway. I will wait for Oliver here and when he walks by, unsuspecting, I will pounce.

Wait. Wait. Wait.

Oliver is coming down the stairs. Wait. The Girl is coming around the corner – she is already changed. She sees me, but doesn’t let on. Good Girl.

Oliver is walking down the hallway. Wait. He walks by. Um, lay down. Oliver walks around The Girl and they both walk by to go upstairs. The Girl shrugs at me and giggles.

Something went wrong. Back to the drawing board.

"Leave the dragon alone. I am basking."

Zensai is nearly ten years old and lately he’s been having trouble staying up on the flower pot he had for basking. Part of this is probably because he has scratched off all the texture. Part could be because he is old and it was hard to cling to a round pot. So this weekend The Boy, the grandpeople and I put our heads together and found this solution – a square pot. He seems to approve. Not that he would admit that.

Summer! At last!

Summer got here on Tuesday and we’re all enjoying it very much. There’s smell-o-vison and windows staying open all night. For Zensai there is the extra special treat of pansies. Pansies are one of my favorite flowers. They are one of Zen’s favorite foods. One of the best things about visiting my parents, in his mind at least, is that my mother would let me take him outside to eat pansies in “the wild.”

Yesterday we went to a barbecue at a friend’s house. It was most excellent. The problem is that this is also the week that a local publication, for which I do the layout on weekends, doubled in size.  Rather than miss the party, I decided to work into the wee hours when I got back. So I did.

The Boy gave up on me around midnight and headed upstairs. Kitten Thunder napped in the office with me until we were finally able to go to bed around 2:30 a.m.

This morning I opened my eyes to find that I was completely alone. I went downstairs and asked The Boy if there hadn’t been any of the normal “it could be time for breakfast” poking and silliness from Oliver. Because I don’t remember it.

“Oh, there was poking,” says The Boy.

“So they decided that maybe The Girl was dead and moved on to you?”

“Yep.”

I have a good Boy.

Oliver was very happy when it turned out that I, in fact, was not dead – just dead to the world. We had some serious snuggle time on the couch this morning. And a nap…because I got up way too early.

Dragon in Exile

"You'd tell me if there was something in my hair, right?"

People often ask me how my dragon gets along with the cats. The truth is that when I just had Poco we got along fine. Zensai was out of his cage almost daily. He’d run around for a while, then climb the couch to lay with Poco and I and watch a movie. He loves TV. Especially things like Buffy the Vampire Slayer where the screen is mostly dark.

There was only one instance between Po and Zensai when I first let him run around the house. He was dozing off by a chair. She walked over, casually. She sat down. She looked at me. She looked at him. She looked at me. She looked at him. WHAM! She bopped him on the head, looked at me with a “and that’s all I have to say about THAT” expression, and strolled off as casual as she’d arrived. Zen was a bit stunned. But fine. That afternoon we were laying on the couch – all three of us – like nothing had ever happened.

That all changed when we got Oliver. Oli ruined Zen’s life.

But not the way you’re probably thinking. Oliver loooooooooooves Zensai. If I take Zen out of his tank a grey kitten arrives in seconds – purring, stretching a paw out to pet, jumping up and down to be picked up as well. He makes a total fool out of himself.

Zensai? Does NOT return the feeling.

Bearded dragons are capable of doing a lot of damage, physically, to us fleshy creatures. They can bite down to the bone. So I really want to avoid that particular visit to the vet. But more importantly, I want to avoid the emotional damage this attack would do.

I made a big mistake on Oliver’s first birthday. The retirement facility that had rescued him was having a birthday party for the cats – most of the litter was adopted by staff so the residents were involved in their lives – and Oliver was invited. Oliver is twice the size of his brothers and sisters. He’s also the only one with long hair. The residents didn’t pay any attention to the weird, unrelated cat. And then, in a horrible moment, Oli jogged up to his siblings in a friendly “hey guys!” way. They turned and looked at him in disdain. Hope punched him in the nose. They turned away.

I saw Oliver crumple in on himself inside. It. Was. Awful.

So now Zensai is a mostly inside his tank lizard. It was one thing when I could let him out and just hold Oliver, kicking and trying desperately to get down to play with his brother, because Po didn’t do anything. But with Obi as well? Forget it.

"Black Beard the pirate? He had nothing on me."

Go ahead, mention that houses have doors. Have you ever heard a desperate 14 pound cat trying to get through a door? That’s no fun for anyone involved.

Obi, by the way, seems genuinely surprised when a sound comes from the box of light. I don’t think he knows there’s anything living in it. I mean, he’s SEEN Zen. But Obi hits his head a lot.