How to Sew Curtains

Preparation

1. Read email from friend saying she needs help picking out fabric for daughter’s new princess extravaganza room. Gag a little in anticipation of princess pink, but agree to meet her at the fabric store.

2. Realize at the store that you are expected to sew the curtains. Accuse friend of leaving that part out. When she objects, tell her she is smoking pot.

3. Spend time needed to purchase supplies and lunch afterward trying to teach toddler to say, “Mom, you are smoking pot.” Think this is especially funny since, of all your friend who may have smoked the pot, this friend is least likely to have actually done so.

4. Receive sincere thanks for curtain project. Less sincere thanks for teaching children about pot.

5. Return home to find that email does, in fact, clearly ask you to sew curtains.

Set up

1. Lay fabric out on the floor. Remove brown cat.

2. Cut fabric to appropriate length. Remove grey cat.

3. Lay black out fabric on the floor. Take break for breakfast. Remove Mr. Bear.

4. Cut black out fabric to appropriate size. Wrap brown cat in fabric and gitchy gitchy him until he’s over excited and runs from the room.

Sewing

1. Lay two types of fabric together to pin them. Remove brown cat.

2. Change needle on sewing machine. Try to remember when needle broke. Do not succeed in the remembering.

3. Load the bobbin with appropriately colored thread. Look at horrified kittens on the table and realize that neither of them has ever seen a sewing machine.

4. Start sewing two pieces of fabric together. Remove grey cat.

5. Stop and move brown cat to kitty condo after 14 whacks on the nose with the bobby part on the machine.

6. Finish one edge. Decide it’s time to take a break. A long break.

7. Decide to blog about sewing curtains rather than finish the other seven seams.

And…post blog. What was I doing?

For Thunder Thursday, I bring you an LOLcat that actually made me LOL. I was researching costumes for The Boy and I; we’re going to a meme party. I was told that LOLcattiness was expected of me, given this blog. So I’m thinking…ceiling cat and basement cat?

I’m also sharing a picture of a pug loaf. I saw this and giggled like an idiot for at least two minutes. Then I laughed intermittently throughout the evening just from the memory of it.

I’m sorry, I don’t have any way to track the sources of these pictures for attribution. Hat tip to the memeiverse.

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Hold the Pickle

We had tuna for lunch today. It was Obi’s idea. Oliver and I went along with it – it seemed like a fine idea. And so it was.

 

As anyone with cats can tell you, the feline ear is built specifically for hearing a can opener. If you have an electric can opener all you have to do is rev it to find every cat in your household. Even, oddly enough, if you feed them from pop top cans. Even if you don’t feed them from cans at all.

 

We do not have an electric opener. But Oliver can hear the manual one from anywhere in the house. It makes him really mad when he comes all the way to the kitchen and I’m opening Spaghetti-O’s. He doesn’t like Spaghetti-O’s. He’ll hang around, though, thinking that maybe I’ll realize that he may be hungry as well. It has never worked out for him.

 

But today! Today it WAS tuna! I divided the tuna juice onto the two breakfast plates. Oliver licked his around the kitchen. Obi has figured out that if he puts his foot on his plate it doesn’t move. Then they licked the can (yay for the safety blade that makes this okay). Then they asked to lick the bowl I mixed my tuna salad in – earning me dirty looks and no licks because I ruined perfectly good tuna with mayo and pickles.

And that is what they remember: I ruined the tuna. I am the abuser of tuna.

Bad Girl.

Today’s Thunder Thursday is about Bisco, my friend Leigha’s pug.

"That's right, they're called DOGGLES."

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"If these pictures show up on the internet, I'm piddling in your shoes."